Other weird things were happening, too:

A heterosexual man had just woken up from a dream in which Predator and Alien were fighting over who was going to give him a blowjob.

The Loch Ness Monster was at Walgreen’s getting some pictures developed but couldn’t afford the one-hour package and paid to pick the pictures up the next day but never came back.

A group of homeless businessmen were playing hackie-sack with a silicone breast implant.

A janitor in a tall office building was mopping the floor near the ladies’ restroom and an executive for some law firm on the 37th floor came out adjusting his zipper and said, “She’s clogged, Skip.”

A butterfly got diarrhea from eating a yellow crayon.

Another guy stopped cutting his hair except for the sides and he still kept the top short and he stopped washing or combing it and he was doing it to prove to the world he didn’t give a Mo-Hullet what the world thought.

Student teachers were popping corrective lenses into their eyes.

A father strapped his infant boy to his chest like dynamite.

Poets were issuing stencils for their autographs near Porto-Potties occupied like foreign countries washed up on shore.

Two antique cyborgs were brushing each other’s teeth, and then they shared a glass of orange juice while watching G1 Transformers with the sound turned down to avoid any confusion over whose turn it was to be oiled.

A teenager got into his mom’s car with a skateboard.

A really big muscular man got on the subway with a ten-speed.

Two pilots were transporting brown crates of exotic pink, green, purple and turquoise birds in a shitty, scuffed, egg-white cargo plane with cracks in it.

A couple of anorexic lesbians were hugging in an airport near where parts of the airport were being repaired.

A giant germ the size of a small human coming home from work wearing a surgical mask got off the subway in New York and thought about getting on a plane and just taking it easy for a few weeks, somewhere relaxing and quiet and warm.

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